A number of years ago I entered a profound “dark night of the soul” which included, among other things, an inability to read God’s Word. It wasn’t for lack of desire; I hungered deeply for God. Each time I tried reading even a paragraph my eyes jumped around the page and I could not hold attention long enough to read more than a few verses. (Interestingly, I had no problem with other printed material.) During that time I was drawn to books like A.W.Tozer’s The Pursuit of God which became the “EMS Units” who directed me to the heart of God, even though I knew that they were not the Word of God. I remember reading with tears these words in Tozer’s preface:
“…Within the fold of conservative Christianity there are to be found increasing numbers of persons whose religious lives are marked by a growing hunger after God Himself. They are eager for spiritual realities and will not be put off with words, nor will they be content with correct “interpretations” of truth. They are athirst for God, and they will not be satisfied till they have drunk deep at the Fountain of Living Water. [Tozer, A.W. The Pursuit of God. Harrisburg, PA: Christian Publications, Inc., 1948.pp. 7.]
Though written in 1948, Tozer’s words rang true to me in the late ’90’s. The “dark night” was part of the process that God used to show me that my mind had outrun my heart. I was just going through the motions and my knowledge was inadequate to satisfy my hunger for God Himself.
In The Spirit of Early Christian Thought, Robert Wilken writes that centuries earlier, Hilary of Poitiers (b. 315 AD) emphasized that knowledge about God wasn’t the same as knowing God Himself. Hilary’s conversion was brought about when he read God’s self-revelation to Moses. In his book on The Trinity, Hilary refers several times to Exodus 3:14, “I am Who I am,” and, Wilken writes, “he clearly wants the reader to take note…. The reason is that in answer to the question What is your name? God uses the word “is,” “I am, ” a form of the word “to be.” What Scriptures teach, says Hilary, is that seeking to know and understand God, we discover that God is always “prior to our thinking.” ” (Tozer similarly quotes the words of Von Hugel to remind his readers that “God is always previous.” [Ibid, p. 12].) Hilary continues “For it is the “nature of the one who is” to be, that is, to exist. If something is, neither thoughts or words can claim it does not exist. Therefore, even if we try to reach back into eternity we discover that God is already there. As the Psalmist wrote, “If I ascend to heaven thou are there! If I make my bed in Sheol thou are there!” (Ps. 139:8). Thinking about God begins when one “stands before the certain reality” that is God.”
Hilary advises his readers that “The only way to stand before God, however, is in humble adoration. If we are to discuss the “things of God”… we must learn obedience and serve God with devotion and reverence. Only by yielding to God and giving ourselves to the object of our search can we know the God we seek. The careful reader of a book, says Hilary, realizes that he will not understand what is written in it if he does not expect more from the book than he brings to it. If he approaches the book only as a critic he will never allow his thoughts to be shaped by what is found there. Applied to theology, that is, thinking about God, this axiom means that we must allow the reality of God to stretch our thoughts so that they become worthy of the God we seek, befitting God, rather than limit God by imposing on him arbitrary standards of our own making. This is why, says Hilary, “God can only be known in devotion.” The form of knowledge that is appropriate to God, he writes, “is thinking with understanding formed by piety,” approaching God with a devout mind. Theology requires the “warmth of faith.” “[Wilken, Robert Louis. The Spirit of Early Christian Thought: Seeking the Face of God. New Haven: Yale University Press, 2003.pp. 87-88.]
Tozer echos the same need and raises the same caution:
“Sound Bible exposition is an imperative must in the Church of the Living God. Without it no church can be a New Testament church in any strict meaning of that term. But exposition may be carried on in such way as to leave the hearers devoid of any true spiritual nourishment whatever. For it is not mere words that nourish the soul, but God Himself, and unless and until the hearers find God in personal experience they are not the better for having heard the truth. The Bible is not an end in itself, but a means to bring men to an intimate and satisfying knowledge of God, that they may enter into Him, that they may delight in His Presence, may taste and know the inner sweetness of the very God Himself in the core and center of their hearts.” [Tozer, A.W. The Pursuit of God. Harrisburg, PA: Christian Publications, Inc., 1948.pp. 7, 9-10]
We’ll learn more from Hilary regarding the significance of the Resurrection in knowing our Triune God, but scholarship for Hilary was not simply an intellectual pursuit or philosophical argumentation. It was the product of his heart and mind as he pursued the reality that is God.